Sunday, 11 July 2010

We look for ourselves, in others.

Don't we?

Just think about it. When your friend talks about something that you realise is the same for you, you just can't stop yourself from squealing, announcing "I do that too!"

And, when we meet people we don't immediately discuss our differences, we look for common ground - places of mutual interest.

We even, look to see if others share our same insecurities - so we don't feel alone.

When it comes to fashion, if I like something that someones wearing, I will always imagine myself in it first. That doesn't mean I don't like things I wouldn't personally wear because most of the time I still think they look great or incredibly creative - I just don't have that immediate 'wow, I love that' exclamation- it's more of a 'hmmm, nice!'

Although, I value uniqueness and having your own sense of style I can't stop myself to comparing others to me and comparing myself to others. It's just the way my brain works. I have realised, in the last two years, that JH and I are unbelievably similar and although I've only known her for a short while it's seems like I've known her forever. And maybe that is because we are so similar, that our views so rarely clash that we never see the need to fight and we can talk for hours on end without disagreeing about something.

But, at the same time I always say how I could never be friends with myself because I know my own weaknesses and bad points so well. And this makes me notice how JH doesn't actually share any of these bad points. I can be annoying, and I don't find her annoying. I can be bitchy, but she always moves away when she thinks a conversation is going to be bitchy.

Therefore, I think that looking for ourselves in others is a good thing - it's how we find the best friends.

- FQ x

Sunday, 4 July 2010

I don't know what the point of this is....

"First is the worst, second is the best."

The words of a deluded fool, in my opinion.
Or you could say, just a person stung by the undescriable feeling of second best, trying to find anyway to make their (better) opponent feel less pride in their achievement.

I'd rather be last, than second best.
But why? A merit must be better than a pass, right?
It's not a distinction - but it's still better.

That makes perfect sense. If you're one mark off a A, at least you can say "I was only one mark off a A" - you're only competing with yourself, it's only your mark.

But when you come second compared to someone else, it hurts. No matter how happy you are for that person, you'll naturally be envious, upset and would be questioning your own ability.

I know the feeling well, which is partly my own fault. After parent teacher evening this year, my parents have decided to help me more and to 'keep an eye on my work'. Well no, 'not keep an eye, exactly. It's just to help you'. Yeah. Because what every teacher said (bearing in mind the teachers they saw were from my worst subjects) was that 'I didn't apply myself'. Apparently, I'm pretty intelligent and have the ability to be top of the class. But I didn't seem to care, or want to strech myself.

One teacher even mentioned my best friend - Layla. "You know Layla Mayor? Her close friend? Yes? Well, she did better than Fizza because she revised and is always focused. Fizza has the natural ability to be a great linguist, she just doesn't care."

It's true. Layla does better than me in pretty much everything. I'm used to it now, but I guess it used to get to me a little. But, as she has said and everyone says to me, I have the ability to do as well as her - I just don't make the most of that.

But...what if I don't? I think ability and intelligence are different things. Yes, Layla has the intelligence to do well - but she also has the ability to apply herself, focus and revise. I on the other hand, find it hard to do all of those three things.

So maybe, I should just get used to second best. I basically am, by now. Even my little brother (two years younger) could do high school level maths much better than me (and my dad).

I don't feel there's any subject I really excel at. Maybe English, maybe Religious Studies, maybe History. But still - not really. Most people still do better than me. I like taking photos - but my friends are so much better at it. I like writing - but my friends are so much better at it. I like debating - but my friends are so much more informed and always, urm, 'own' me. I like music - but my friends know so much more about it and are so much better at it.

I like dressing up. I like fashion. But I'm not better at that than my friends, seeing as what's 'nice' when it comes to clothing is really in the eye of the beholder.

So yeah, I'm not really amazing at anything. I'm alright at a couple of things. I suck at a few things.

But I can live with that and I accept that. I don't mean to fish for compliments, and I don't mean to sound like I think I'm stupid - I don't. I just know that I haven't (yet) found my special talent or as I spoke about before ( my 'USP'.

Afterall, seeing as I hang out with such a talented bunch of people being second, or third, or fourth best is pretty much expected!

- FQ x

Saturday, 3 July 2010

mad money ...

when seeing a nice outfit or planning a night out but finding that you just dont have the money, what are you supposed to do ??? well the first answer would be raise the money but no one really wants to give money to a charity that only benefits one person, well, how that said person is dressed anyway. so thats out of the question but there is still the question of how are you going to get the money? Well, get a job. The only problem is, there are always restictions. For example selling avon cataogues - you must be 18, this applies for most non qualification jobs and there arent many, for most jobs you have to have qualifications anyway. Of course there is the typical washing cars and car boot sales but in all honesty that doesnt make a lot of money at all! So if you were planning a weekend away in london (hypothetically, of course *wink wink* ) then the twenty pounds that you raaise from washing cars really isnt going to get you far. The point is, many people are restricted from getting jobs because of age or ability or even gender which isnt fair because many people might need the money for things a lot more serious than a weekend in london. Yes, okay i know that we are just coming out of a recession and the credit crunch is still hitting people hard and dont get me wrong i do respect that, my own parents have been affected, but there is always a way of making a few a couple of hundred quid, if you are over 18 of course.
There are restrictions everywhere, for example fashion restricts what you can and cant wear. For example it just ISNT acceptable in the fashion worlds eyes to walk out the house wearing clothes from a few seasons ago but it is acceptable by fashion to come out wearing shorts that replace pants and a bra over your top - basically in underwear. Sometimes there aren't perhaps enough restrictions especially if no one but your nan says anything when a nicker-flashing-mini-skirt is worn, because basically its slutty, indecent and doesnt even look very good but the wearer will get away with it because its supposedly fashionable.

just a short post that came to mind walking down the street
 - jh xox